Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
