Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
