He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize