I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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