YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
