Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
