He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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