he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are the jesus of drinking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
