I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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