WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
