you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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