you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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