She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
