I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
