Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
