I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
