Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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