I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
