You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
