What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize