yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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