I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
