i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
