Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
