Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
