We're like a lot better than the average bears
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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