i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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