We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
