Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
