And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
