I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
