babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
