my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
