How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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