don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
