Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
