just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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