mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
