I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
