I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
