Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
