She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize