i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
