Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
