I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
