: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
