Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
FUCK WHALES
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
