i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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