I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
