i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
