Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
