So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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