When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize