Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
