6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
