we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
