He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
