I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
