I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We have started to decorate penises.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize