i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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