I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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