God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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