I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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