It's a beautiful day for a hangover
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
