i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
