I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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