I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
