You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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