Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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