...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize