Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
