i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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