Yo dont text me then not text me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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