He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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