After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry my hands just texted you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
