i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone came in the potted fern
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize