508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
