Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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