We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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