Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
