I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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