Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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