can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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