you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
