So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
