She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it because I queefed?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
