Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
