Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Randomize
