i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize