ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
