Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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