So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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