Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
