I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
