How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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