I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
