why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
