He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Houston, we have a squirter
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
