She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
