Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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