If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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