I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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