ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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