I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
