That's intense
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
