So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
