What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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