Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
