ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
