You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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