Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
