By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
